Infatuation Incubus!LevixReaderxOnesided!Jean Pt.2

*~*~*~*Trigger Warnings: Mention of Rape. Viewer Discretion is advised.*~*~*~* 

Ridding all traces of your slumber and surfacing back into reality, long lashes batted your lids open, letting in a blinding whiteness by which stung your eyes, shielding them with your arm as you caught sight of the blank ceiling, wonder piquing your mind of your current whereabouts. Your body numbly moved about amongst realizing you were laying down, particularly against a bed, thin white sheets cocooned about your figure.

A badgering pounding erupted in your brain soon as your senses were reactivating, groans of discomfort fell from your lips, holding onto a developing will power, urging that you stop lying about and do some investigating.

Trying to disregard the hammering pain in your head, your once driving want nearly vanished as a flushing ache overwhelmed your entire body, movement in a particular area had been hell, stretching to the point where it might possibly snap if you elongated it enough. Peeling up from your mattress and back hunched over in sitting up position, thankful of motivation to push you forward or else you still would’ve been laid out, remaining oblivious of your current surroundings.

The sight of white everywhere made your face scrunch up in agony, offering nothing but a voided solid color by which you instantly knew this familiar setting by each uniformed cots aligned on either side of you and diagonally beds were ruled alike. Your mop of disheveled hair tickled your exposed back, robed in an unattractive cotton patient dress consisted of spaced out black dots. A guttural sound of utter disapproval rippled from your throat, fingers messaging your temples with irritation.

The fucking infirmary?!

You’d rather you confronted death since aware from your past experiences of even a meager checkup on how your health was doing with your nurse would you then walk in upon a person being concealed by the very sheets you were entangled in, indicating someone’s passing. You never favored going to the doctors and even more so just knowing that anytime you risked the chance of being in the same room as death itself, ruined your whole experience altogether which is why you carried around your own first-aid kit. That way you could attend to your own injuries or fellow comrades. Just the very thought of knowing multiple people could’ve died right on this cot chilled you the bone.
Unable to endure this much longer, your arm crossed over to grip the thin covers and snatched it off of you and steadied your dangling feet and slid from the edge, suddenly realizing your legs were numbed of feeling, but you landed to the ground.

On your face.

Bearing teeth down on your lip while subduing a scream you flopped on your back, flying hands flew to your face, dramatically convulsing in agony. You ran into a circle, then rolled to and fro, praying for this brutalizing sensation to pass on.

Just lying idle, you bored your (e/c) irises up at the ceiling with arms folded across your midsection, contemplating at how idiotic you portrayed yourself, literally shaking your head disapprovingly. Letting out a sigh, you arched up from the icy cold floor rubbing the sourness from your rounded out hip and within seconds perceiving a pair of heeled feet making haste in your direction.

“Oh Ms. (l/n)!” the feminine voice cried out, panicked by from the sight ahead of her. Flipping your hair and head over your shoulder to spot the incoming figure, you flipped back around and draw out a tired sigh.

Speak of the devil herself. Your nurse came to the rescue, standing in front of you and held out her hands which you filled with yours, letting her hoist you back on the flatness of your feet. Seemingly unfazed by her threatening glare, you really didn’t see what the big deal was. Assuming by how you just broke from the previous sleep trance, maybe it wasn’t a good way to find a patient who just recovered from unconsciousness.

She escorted you back into that death laced bed, refusing to lie down, so you resumed a sitting up position, letting her take your blood pressure, settling a thermometer between your lips, awaiting results on your temperature while she shoved buds of the stethoscope in her ears, made out your normal beating heart throughout the course of prolonged and even breaths. This was usual for a checkup at the nurses and whatnot.  

However, once she whipped that uncomfortable lists of unsettling questions, you looked to her as if she had grown a titan head, furrowing brows of uncertainty and your mouth hanging open, searching for words, and fumbling out responses, your face ablaze. In midst of her interrogation, she took note of your incredulous grimace, deciding from all your given information that she hadn’t needed to question you anymore, sinking uneasily in her rotating wheeling chair. Blinking questioningly, you could see she battled herself over what she should say and how to come about it.

So, she started off slowly, surfacing another question. “You said you had another week before your menstrual started right?”

Suspicion squinted your eyes, impatience building in how she hadn’t cut to the chase, assuming you’d walk out of the infirmary and continue about your usual life. Despite it all, you entertained it, giving into her questioning.

“Yeah, it starts next week.” Your eyebrow arched. “Just where are you getting at?”

A hand wrung around her neck, suddenly bestowing an idea in her head as she shifted the conversation a bit.

“Tell me what you’ve been experiencing since today.”

Fighting the urge to roll your pupils behind your sockets, you pursed your lips and resumed.

“I guess I’ve been kinda snappish at this really annoying guy, but he honestly he’s playing me for a fool, so he fucking deserved it. I was really sluggish this morning and times before that too which I’m really confused on since I go to bed at a reasonable time. Then I had to fight one of my best friends. I really didn’t want to because he seems weaker than I am! I feel like the male in this friendship.” You sniffled, tears burning underneath your eyes. “I want to be a pretty girl not some tomboyish brute who beats people up all the time! What if he doesn’t like man-women? And then I yelled in his face when I assumed he was that other guy and I almost got in some serious shit. Oh my god, do you have food?! I’m starving my ass off since I gave that fat ass beyatch all my food. UGH, where’s the AC, it’s like Shoop Da Whoop and it’s Imma a firin’ mah lazer up in here!”

You forced your brain to shut down from literally spewing from your lips as you both exchanged incredulous rapid blinking glances, contemplating what just unfolded before you. Moving her gaze off you and rolled to a document lying idle on her desk, dipping the quill inside a filled ink bottle nearby and shook the excess ink off, nothing but the sound of scribbling words  filled the silence in the nearly vacant infirmary.

“Mood swings, extreme cravings, violent behavior, very noticeable weight gain…-”

At hearing you took offense to that causal stated insult. You pulled up the atrocity of a dress to behold what a monstrosity your stomach had transformed into. Words entrapped in your throat, a strangling choking sound trying to break free from its prison. Your whole body spreaded like cheese, turning sideways and gander a bump of fat protruding out, skin curved the contours of your hips and they were more in depth than ever before, support this disgusting bulge of tissue fat.  

Where you really eating that much? Well, now that it’s worth mentioning, your appetite did seem rather unusual than normal, certain days you’d hardly have the urge to eat anything and while others felt you were in starvation mode, which made Sasha appear more ladylike than you, throwing it back like it’d be your final supper of your life until you were sent off to be slaughtered like a wanted criminal.

Sure you’d be completely understanding if any of your friends came to you appropriately to explain how your eating habits had changed and that it’d be a good idea for you to lay off those potatoes; starch really goes to your hips and thighs mostly.

Gulping thickly, you dreaded what she’d be writing on that file would negatively affect your current status and relief you duty as a soldier.

“I—I swear I’m not bipolar.” You assured shakily, antsy of just sitting down so you go up and headed over to her desk. “It never ran in my famil—“

“—no, you’re fine. It’s not a condition.” She waved dismally, only to discover a grave expression on her face, just while you were in midst of alleviation, that once felt emotion shoved away in the back of your mind.

Uneasy sweat dribbled from your hairline down off the angle of your chin. “T-then what’s my diagnosis?”

Your heart thrashed violently in your body as it quaked going unnoticed by your nurse while she never tore her solemn firmed eyes on you.














“You’re pregnant.”

Receiving this news wasn’t exactly fully comprehended. In fact, it seemed laughable not long after perceiving this absurdity did you bust out in disbelieving snort slowly transitioning into a fit of hysterical laughter, clutching your tightening sides as you hunched your back forward.

The nurse wasn’t sure how to take your reaction to it, arching an eyebrow and testily crossing her arms. For what seemed like a good twenty minutes of discerning this absurdity did you lock gazes back, the woman’s face still holding her face firm and humorless, effectively faltering your obnoxious cackles, replacing it uncertainty, searching for any sort of sign of this once humorous joke. To your rising dismay, it honestly concerned you how she had been steadfast upon believing her own declaration.

“T—that’s impossible.” You stood your ground assertively, face contorting firmly. “I have never been physically intimate with anyone.”

“Well, whatever the case may be Ms. (l/n), this is extremely bad. You can’t expect to handle going on expeditions because it’ll put your children in grave danger.”

“Wha—wha—what are saying?!” your breathing hitched in panic, begging for her to pop out and say she was just teasing, unmeaning everything said. But she did not. A hot rush of horror shot through your body, hyperventilating taking its toll on your sanity, because now your suppressed memory of the vile man who caused this submerged from your mind, imagining his sickening grin plastered upon his face, those golden hues full of malice. Securing both arms around you protectively, tears endlessly flooded from underneath your eyelids.  

No, this can’t be happening to me...

Sympathetic, the woman fitted her hand in yours, giving a consoling squeeze given by your current distraught state.  

“I ran some tests and it appears that you’re having multiple children.” She stated gingerly, her thumb caressing your knuckles in a soothing way.  

You really didn’t want to be accepting this inevitable truth if you hadn’t suspected your rapist, you’d at least remain oblivious, except for the fact of not knowing, every male would’ve been on that list until you narrowed all possible people out. Curling into your dangling knees all the while of clutching her hand pathetically, letting her behold your life spiraling out of control.

“How many?” you whispered anticipating in terror, your lips were trembling, pitiful whimpers threatened slip through your teeth.

“Triplets; and you’re three months along.”

“Oh, god.”

Your stomach twisted around in knots, swallowing up this thick, hard truth now settling in your chest. No matter how in denial you sought to believe, this confirmed your wretched fears.

Jean’s seed implanted inside of you growing life into three horrible creatures destined for birth in a span of seven more months. This scared the living death out of you whilst knowing how painful childbirth could be since your very own mother gave granted you her lifespan and in return lost her own life. You weren’t prepared to be a mother, never agreeing to this chained down fate. Clear intent on wanting to become a soldier, the only family you’d rather have would be the Survey Corps, not kin of your own flesh and blood.

And terrified of meeting the same fate as your deceased mother because of children is something you’d rather live your life without. There must be some back door to escape out of this world of disenchant and deceit, because you were begging to bid it farewell.

“I’m going to get kicked out, aren’t I?” came a pitiful laugh escaping past your lips hardly putting up a fight to stay anymore, shimmering droplets falling into your cradling hands.
 
Then came an insistent shake of the nurse’s head. Watching her retreating figure head towards the entrance, she poked her head out in the hallway and waved her hand, flagging her attention. Soon enough, an unknown cadet appeared just right outside, exchanging indistinctive whispers amongst each other until the end of their conversation was finalized by an affirmative nod of the uniformed cadet, vanishing from sight where you acknowledged him in the doorway.  

Your nurse took careful strides back standing before you, placing each of her hands atop your shoulders, squeezing pressure into them urgently.

“I’m going to gather all your friends outside.” She said, elucidated her strategy. “Confide in only your friends, because if a commander finds you out, consider yourself already done for.”

Weakly offering a silent nod, compassionate sigh seeping past her lips as she caressed her knuckles gently across your cheek, through a subtle gesture you could sense understanding and couldn’t help but feel guilt, knowing as each passing day your belly will swell noticeably, bringing attention upon yourself. This futile attempt of sweeping dirt underneath a rug to buy you some time of spending lasting treasurable moments until the time comes where you would inevitably be ripped away from them. 

What would become of you, when you do retire? Outside Survey Corps only offered nothing but ruins and havoc, constant fleeing for your life and your unborn children. Even the mention of life harboring inside of you made you cringe.  

Of all people, why did it have to be you? Just because Mikasa wouldn’t reciprocate his badgering feelings doesn’t mean he should pass that on with a newly found infatuation. If he thought just once that snagging a women by dry humping her would suffice in place of actual respect and careful consideration for her. It’s apparent he still had lots to learn of being a presentable gentleman. Despite Corporal not accomplishing any better, since he always had vulgar language and shunning coldness spieling out his sexy thinned lips. You could safely assume he at least respected people’s personal space.

With a stroke of luck rather than conjuring up more unseen pictures of Levi in your brain, the nurse alerted you of your friends awaiting just outside the infirmary. She handed you back a folded up uniform.   Appreciative for all she’s done for you, she graced a gentle smile upon her crinkly face and rubbing her thumb across your knuckles, a silent gesture wishing best luck for what will soon unfold in the next chapter of your life.

After wordlessly switching from that atrocity hanging loosely its cheap polyester amongst your body, the wings of freedom embedded into your back, perched at the tip of the jacket’s shoulders and front breast pocket, your clumping boots echoing down this dreadfully quieted hallway only seemed to make each step closer outside to be exposed a whole lot scarier to withstand.

Advice from the nurse, to be upfront, downright tell all your comrades what the dilemma presented before you sounded very promising, if only things were better said than done. Would they even believe it, just by going about the matter with such unwavering frankness and give it to them hard on the rocks? Saying something like that to a person would be written off like an outrageous joke of some sort or bestow the atmosphere an obstinate muteness, infinite possibilities of consideration swarming about in their suppressed thoughts. None of which response you’d know what would come.

Your time of careful contemplation upon how to deliver this announcement hung by a withering silk thread from strain and over exertion has met its last with twin doors standing before you, retracting back a step while staring at its handle tensely, lungs tightening at the sight. Just in a matter of seconds, you will have been reunited back with your friends, a deduction tucked away behind your cranium that you’d have to still their buzzing of wild concern so that you were permitted their undivided attention and steal the silent opportunity to elucidate, and hope they’d understand. This news seemed so surreal given to you not to long ago, never seemed fully register for you too.

But, they’ve been here for you since you’ve all lost your home, the circle of you all started off in just a small threesome, Eren, Armin, and Mikasa. You weren’t aware of their existence until you met them all on that disembarking refuging ship sailing out the ruins which was once known as Shiganshina. In the past you naturally fended for yourself not knowing of who or the whereabouts of your father after your father abandoning you in remaining shambles that were left when he turned away. So, naturally voided of guidance and love, you were forced to grow up much quicker, leaving room for an impacting childhood long far-gone, as time is indiscriminating relentlessness despite one’s cruel and harsh times.

Almost certain this ship had been literally over the carrying capacity, finding bobbing and weaving a tactic to use as you maneuvered through everybody distraught by the calamity that rose high and struck down like thick strikes of lightning. Naturally, you sought seclusion, sitting in a corner of the ship, when stifling whimpers perceived by your ears nearby. You shouldn’t’ve cared who had been breaking down because everyone else was in the same state, some shouldering this situation exteriorly, but without a doubt, this ship sailed and carried everyone’s fears along with it. Nonetheless, trying to bring your mind into an inner sense of tranquility and rid your throbbing limbs from residual adrenaline shooting throughout, this certain noisy sobbing never seemed to let up and it was starting to piss you off. Like they’re the only individual going through hard times—that drew the last straw.
 
Snapping your head in direction of the sound source you slap a hand upon the stranger’s shoulder unceremoniously, your eyes readily trained for shattering one’s nerves,  carefully traced  this apparent  blonde crying mess before you.  

Hair slightly disheveled a couple of golden locks out of place possible from the harsh gusts of wind, long string trails of saline tears curved about bright flushing countenance, squeezing free from glued shut silts of eyes. The blonde was instant in reaction, jolting to a start at the unannounced offense, blinking away his tears as his gaze locked on the perpetrating hand.

A sensation horror of shock rose from your clenching stomach, beholding such a mesmerizing set of azure shades, your imposing hand right beneath their nervous inquisitive light rays. That’s certainly strange. Not once did hues of human’s eyes bother to pique your interest, having to interact and meet eye contact throughout your time consisting week. Here you are now, too paralyzed to shift your hand away from the boy’s thin rounded shoulder, those same marvels slowly removing its rays away, dragging them upwards.

Ah, how a deer in headlights you were.

Now meeting each other in an about face, the feeble bodied male blinked charmingly whether he had been aware of it or not, his eyes scanned over your face, mesh of thick eyelashes fluttering with utmost curiosity. The poor shattered soul hadn’t the slightest idea of your aggressive gesture, patiently awaiting for an explanation for your sudden actions. Being bewitched by this magnificent boy urged you to want and change every negative aspect of yourself and convert them, and somewhat match up to his level good-naturedness. A part of you knew he just had to have that in his person, though due to given circumstance that even brighter light would remain dimmed, obscuring their full potential.

Forcing down a nervous gulp, you pat his shoulder, not knowing whether or not this will make or break this awkward atmosphere hanging in the air. The corners of your lips twitched upwards, offering more or less a compelled reassuring smile, hoping that his eyes weren’t observing each detail of your face the muscle underneath your left eyelid and brow conveying discomfort in plain sight.

“It’s okay t—to cry. Even a man has to let his feelings surface.”

In all honesty that was the most half-baked response you could ever picture yourself saying. Naturally back then, keeping limited contact with people heavily effected your people skills, so raw situations like this hadn’t been a firsthand nature that came to you easily. Upon realizing this predicament rendered you speechless since you never regarded what people thought of your uncaring and detached demeanor.

That once carefully crafted block of ice around your heart ignited a flaming spark and melted its frigid exterior surging its newly found coursing through your body, an ineffable feeling settled around you as you tried to grasp the encasing gift the beautiful male bestowed, intimate gesture shared emanating a pleasant warmth.

You were in a state of euphoria and with that, your hostile armor groaned as it was being stripped off against what remained inside.

Vulnerability.

Selfishness seemed to dissipate into particles of grain, always putting the needs of your well being before anyone else’s. Considering that your very own father left, being the life that sucked the woman who gave birth to you, wasting away her remaining life which could’ve been meaningful. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing, since the world is in ruins of havoc and innocent slaughtering by creatures with unexplainable motives of why they will themselves to eat humans. She managed to escape this earth, bartering her spirit tainted by corruptness, unable to take on any more stress, sending you off into the world to fend for yourself. Not that you blamed her in anyway, you also considered taking that route once before, on that very same ship you met Armin, Mikasa, and Eren.

Since then, things have been completely weren’t as painful to endure, finding a sense of belonging upon meeting the trio. Your faith in letting people in has been a very exhilarating experience to discover yet again from recovering the cynicism clouding your better judgment. They took what you was back then as they came, through your struggles, times of isolation, wanting to be left alone due to constant reminiscing of your mother’s death and your father’s leave of indefinite absence, fault badgering at your nerves, often consideration of you being the reason why your whole world had decided on falling apart. In your darkest time would they pull you back into that light of reassurance, you were not liable for the unfortunate passing of your mother and father who stepped out of your life after enduring his loss and have reached an upmost resolve to end his internal suffering. What could you’ve possibly done during being a couple of years old, natural curious of a family portrait and tracing every beautiful curve of the woman’s face with familiarity, initially being informed that she had been your mother. You’d always ask your father in regards of her presence gone astray, wondering why you never once behold her in person. He’d only tell you she was off in a better place and fall silent after that, as the day of his unannounced withdrawal he didn’t seem like himself. In fact, when he spat that the reason to why she wasn’t here had merely been your existence, he his voice resembled the likes of toxin and within an instant, you didn’t know who he was anymore.

Despite everything, they would never let you down even through, remaining at your side in thick and thin, always there to urge you to pick up those lost pieces to your misguided puzzle in influence of their guidance. So, even if they shared their stories of constant suffering and misery, losing a loved one in the meantime and in return digesting your struggles…

What made this time different from all other times? They definitely couldn’t judge you, especially since their past lives consisted many of unspeakable situations, where at times it lead to murder. You had to admit, this wasn’t as bad compared to the crime Eren and Mikasa committed in their past. Still, it had enough impact to shock the hell out of everyone. But they were willingly open-minded towards anything you told them.  

You shakily sigh at your resolve, knowing there would be no turning back from this. With a jerk, you yank the handle and step through, a swirling of warmth and an earthly scent of leaves and soil mixed naturally in the atmosphere. Sunrays tinted of a deep fiery crimson and auburn hit your face, eyes squint in result, curtaining an arm over your forehead as your eyes perceived the sunset seeping into the horizon, little hints of cobalt painted the sky along with glimmering white dots suddenly starting to appear. Judging by this sight in front of you, a good five or six hours was spent in the accursed infirmary, ever since losing consciousness during lunch.  

Paneling across the grassland, mild gust influencing its movement, you were in search of your companions, but they were nowhere in your line of sight. Unease settled on your face, recalling they should be awaiting according to your nurse. For a fraction your eyes widened in response of a familiar cry, carrying your name in the wind. Snapping in direction of the source, your heart cherish a relieved warmth encasing it, witnessing a herd of cadets speeding towards you.

“(f/n)!” Eren had been the very first to snatch you up into an embrace, his tight hold of security not especially helping a sudden a wave of dishearten flushing over your once firm steadfastness.  

Body trembling in his grip, you found yourself returning the favor, your face fitted into the crook of his neck, battering lashes trying to blink away a forthcoming burn beneath your pupils. Each person enveloped a huddle of body heat, their voices merging into a large indistinctive clamor of concern. It became a challenge that you managed to fail in keeping a calm demeanor that was originally set up since all this loving attention had moved you deeply.

Eren felt warm and runny substance trickle down his collarbone causing him to blink rapidly in confusion before taking your shoulders in his hands and separated both you. With his lips parted, eyes widened in shock, and his brows drawing together, the cadets gathered behind him to discover why the likes of his face expressed unease. Soon they found themselves subconsciously mimicking his countenance.

Because they were beholding your translucent flooding trailing down your flustered face, a line of red streaked your cheeks. Those tears were unstoppable at this point.

Expectant of an explanation of your meltdown, you inhaled painfully, hiccups ripping from the back of your clenching throat.

“I—I have something…—“you sniffle, voice crackling from anxiety. “I have to tell you all something…”

In unison, they gave a decisive nod, the intensity in their eyes urging you on was evident. With one last inhale that you cherished out of many ones escaping your body. Your (e/c) irises became shifted intrigued with the accustomed overlapping black straps constricting your legs as you receded into your (h/c) locks obscuring a shadow around your face.

“I—I’m pregnant.”

An uncomfortable cloud hung over everyone, seemingly using the silence to comprehend said words that dropped like a nuclear bomb from your lips. A trickle of sweat rolled down Eren’s forehead, his eyebrows knitted together, emphasizing his scrunched up face. Armin and Connie exchanged glances, eyes glazed with shock, mouths fell open when you announced it. Sasha filled her lungs with air, incapable of using them after such a blow. Small, staggered pants heaved from Mikasa chest as she moved towards you, shifting Eren out of the way. She gripped your triceps harshly, jolting you up in alarm and bore into her darkened obsidian orbs.

“Don’t joke around like that, (f/n).” her throat rumbled furiously, her eyes in a frantic search through yours, searching for a sensible reason of this tomfoolery. “You do realize that something like that will—“

“I know!” you squeak, shivers quaking your body. “I don’t say things for any reason and I had a hard time believing the nurse.”

Inhaling sharply, she took a couple of steps back, failing to grab ahold of your confession. She ran a shakily hand through her dark sheened wisps of hair, appearing on the brink of losing her godforsaken mind.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Armin eyes were trembling.
 
“A relationship sounds better than this!” Connie’s teeth grit dangerously, clenching into balls of evident fury. “Do you have any fucking idea what you just did to yourself?! You know what is going to happen if the higher-ups should find out!”

“It wasn’t me!” you yell defensively, unbelieving he deemed yourself to steep so low. “I was never intimate with anyone!”

“I don’t understand…” Sasha’s lips part and froze in befuddlement, her pupils were visibly dilating. “Surely you must’ve been in order for it to happen? How do you even know if that’s true what she told you?”

“There’s were obvious signs…” you explained each one that each of them acknowledged from before, though brushed it off since they were aware of how irritated you grew of Jean, so moods were bound to rampage by his pestering.

Even subsequently shedding light on the situation and as things started making more sense than it had previously, it hadn’t been nowhere near calming their nerves upon this dreadful realization. And yet one other question remained surfacing at the back of their minds.

“Who’s the father?” Eren gulped regrettably, everyone’s nervous gaze landed on him, nonetheless they were all in agreement of wondering this themselves.

“I…I don’t know.”  

“What?!”Everybody exclaimed in disbelief. “How do you not know?!”

You cringe. It was like they weren’t considering how you felt about this whole thing. That burning sensation found its way back beneath your lids, blurring up your vision as a heated flush washed over your body.

“If I knew, don’t you think I’d tell you already?!” you shouted, clenching your fists. Hastily brushing away the tears, you could hear a new set of feet approach you.  

Before you could even look up, a body held you close, gentle persuaded hand stroking the small of your back.

“(f/n),” Armin. Of course he’d be here to comfort you through it all. His hand slipped in your locks and guided your face into the crock of his neck, not that it wasn’t at all appreciated. You sniffled against his flesh, breaking out of his tight hug to wrap your arms around him in need of this reassuring affection.

So gentle how he tended to you as if you were one of his books. To give you the boost you needed, he definitely got you to that point.

Lifting your face up against his ear, you whispered the horrendous truth.

“Raped?” he rose his face away boring his electrical blue eyes in yours for confirmation. It tore you apart inside at how his very own friend was tainted in impurities, voided of her innocence of which such occurrence of it being stolen unbeknownst to her. This shamed you tremendously and meeting back his gaze had been entirely out of the question.
Hushed utterance of said word laced in the wind, looping and dropping into open ears of who happened to be in the proximity.

The party of cadets edgy eyes were centered on you as another chilling breeze swooped in, evoking goosebumps from their arms.
 
“At night, I felt strange. Like I was being touched. This would happen when I’m asleep, but when I’d tried my best to wake up, I couldn’t. I don’t…—“

Armin watched a new batch of salty tears further down your face and his deepest remorse went out upon seeing this. He engulfed you yet again, soothing hisses breathed into your hair.  

This was an absolute breaking point especially since showing not a bit of emotion or pang of guilt slaying those despicable titans trying to claw their way through the walls. Lately, your kempt emotion have been all out of whack, who’s to say what might happen when you encountered them again? Grant them compassion? A slip up like that could cost you your life and life is not so easily obtainable once it is lost; you’d need a miracle by the grace of god in order for that to happen.

A situation like this should be handled carefully. So they did just that.

“Any idea of who it might be?” Eren asked in caution, furrowing his eyebrows, nervous of offending you.

Of course you had an inkling of who it might be, but this couldn’t be certain of. Even still, all around had been open-mindedness and support, evident anger morphed on their features indicated they were ready to pounce the bastard who did this to you. So you cave in.

“(F/N)!”  

Preventing words from escaping past your lips, everyone directed toward an incoming voice from behind you. A voice greatly regarded as loathsome.  

Snapping around and spotting a figure running in all his might, upon his face feigned an expression of concern and genuine anxiety. He must’ve thought he had everyone fooled, but you could see through his façade of debauchery. And it blazed fury seared inside the pit of your core.

Just as he reached the proximity of the gathering, he found his feet peeling from the earth and his body twisting out of range, skidding back with his teeth grating blades of grass and dirt in his mouth. He sat up and resisted swallowing the dirt, roughly hacking it up after bringing at hand to his chin, cringing at the inflicted area.  

Courtesy of your fist.

Everyone witnessed this and suddenly became panicked watching your figure dangerously heading towards Jean’s recovering form, knowing you had intent on doing some serious bodily harm to him.

Quickly, Connie and Armin latched to both of your arms and Eren circling his around your waist, staggering a bit, yet somewhat able to dig his heels into the dirt, hoping to slacken your violent thrashing about. Jean shook out of his daze, eyes trailing up towards your restrained form and not even they were strong enough in keeping you fixed in place, that lethal scowl apparent upon your features.

“YOU BASTARD! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME!” you sob heatedly, snatching your arms but the guys’ lock on them were firm, showing no sign of letting up. “YOU’RE A RAPIST! YOU COWARD! I HATE YOU!”

Eren exchanged uncertain glances with Armin and Connie, brows furrowing at what you just blurted. Until they connected two and two together. And just the minute they all did, something still wasn’t adding up quite right.

Jean’s face became riddled in a hurt expression, berating him since he took interest in you. He honestly did believe that your resistance had just been a phase and that one day if he persisted, regardless of getting attacked every time, because somehow he swore that somewhere inside of him that you would lessen the pain you inflicted upon him and just give up. He did admit that he practiced ripening up his charisma skills, comparing an abundance of pleasant to the eye objects from blossomed flowers, comparing your personality to the likes of an elegant swan, except if being endangered or offspring, they can partake in a cruel and bitter attitude, nipping at them with ferocity. This tactic of yours should’ve scared him off, alas, he’d be there to greet you every morning, complimenting how you looked gorgeous and he took note of the white sheen glistening off your curtain of luscious, resembling a perfect halo. And his heart ended up chipping off piece by piece. It rendered him speechless--why were you accusing him of such charge?
 
"What are you talking about?! I'd never do something like that!" he countered back angrily, clenching his fists up.

"Like hell, I'd believe that Kirschten! There's no one who'd as able-minded as you when it comes to touching people!" you spat, charging at him threateningly, showing him that if you were to get turned loose, he'd be a whole world of pain.

His teeth grate in frustration, wobbling while standing up on his own two feet. "That's fucking insane, (f/n)."

"Says the one who impregnated me!" using each bit of your breath, you found yourself becoming queasy, all this yelling beginning to take it's toll and making you lightheaded. Groaning, your own hand flew to your stomach and held it underneath while another to the curve of your back, panting light breaths and snagging attention by your three male friends, acknowledging your weakening state.  

Eren released his hold, stepping back so that Armin and Connie who were in possession of an arm flung them around their shoulders to help you support your weight.

You mutter a small token of gratitude, with extra leverage you felt your feet slightly hover the grass. Upon seeing Jean's taken aback reaction, you a deeply felt want of imprinting his face against the ground sounded rather wonderful. Everyone had been on an opposing team leaving him as the last man standing. If he couldn't see that he's lost, why does he insist on keeping up this insolent act?

"Are you saying I raped you or something?!"

"I sure as hell wasn't suggesting it!"

"How the hell do you know it was me?"

"Who else would it be if it wasn't you?!"

"…(f/n), it's not him."

Who the flying fu--

Hastily directing your head towards the voice who said it, once held fury in chewing out the person with said voice, dissipated into utter bewilderment, seeing as how Armin had a sudden change of heart, standing up in Jean's defense. He offered a apologetic smile, though he had been fully aware that wouldn't do much, having to encounter that pained expression etching across your face. 

"But, Armin--" you argued, considering listing factors of how he could be the perpetrator. Within an instant, your jaw clamped shut, Armin's head shaking in disapproval.

"I know for a fact, it isn't him." he stated firmly. "He's never out after the evening."

Scowling, you avert your gaze downwards, taking in the blades of grass, consideration swarming around in your mind. If anybody's better judgment that's utmost trustworthy, it'd inevitably be Armin's out of everyone because of the fact he'd never lie when it came to grave situations as such.

Armin saw how you battle yourself over this speculation, deciding he needed to further convince you along.

"He usually praises you till no end until he tuckers himself out." his eyes have a very distant appearance on them as if he was recalling upon a fond memory. "Ever since he got over Mikasa, you're all he's ever thought of."

Your eye twitched, fighting off a rising heat threatening to settle on your face. "Why tell me this? I-it's not like I care or anything..."

"He's telling the truth, (f/n)." Connie's voice rang from across Armin in your left ear. You could tell in his voice was laced aggravation. "Do you know what Eren, Armin, and I have to endure from him? He practically bored us half to death that we ended up falling asleep in his room."

"(f/n) this and (f/n) that." Eren sigh tiredly as he added on, increasing Jean's flushing bright features, mumbling profanities under his breath. "He literally puts you on a pedestal. There's no absolute way he'd ever stoop that low."  

At this point only Mikasa and Sasha were remaining at your side, losing one person after another. You shot them a nervous glance, relying solely on them, hoping they're not thinking about changing onto for team Jean.

Please don't make me apologize to this anusface...

"Well," Sasha rung the back of her neck, chewing her inner lip in consideration. "Being that he'd never would've gotten that far with Ackerman-san, maybe we should just make sure it isn't him..."

You couldn't believe this; why is everybody all of a sudden turning their backs on you?

Huffing crossly, offering Sasha an opportunity to elaborate on her plan.

"Well, you say that these attacks occur whilst you were sleeping, correct?"

Your head gave a swift nod than you originally anticipated, eager ears ready for what she had next in store.

"I'll keep watch in your room." she said, in a tone that was almost obligated to follow through with it.

You ponder a minute. In spite of Sasha always trying to steal everyone's food due to her struggling upbringing, she definitely proved to be a person you'd be thankful of having around, just while you're in a vulnerable trace of sleeping.  

Without a moment after, you cordially accepted her proposal, a newly found relief flushing away anxiety you held captive for so long. Even granted all this, wary chains latched your heart with its cold metal. If Jean had been wrongdoing all along, he also needed monitoring himself.

"Connie..." his ears perked up at his name, pivoting around to discover his presence was needed. Approaching and stilling about face blinking his hazel shone eyes inquiringly.

"Yeah, what's up?"

A pang of guilt washed through as you scratched your cheek, pursing your lips in a thin line.

"Do you mind watching him for tonight? I just want to make sure..." your voice discouragingly trailed off seeing Connie display a drooping expression, a tired sigh emit from his lips.

"Sure. Don't worry about it. I mean, it's not like we aren't already in his room listening him vent." he playfully complained, jabbing a gentle elbow in your side considerably conscious of budding life inside of you. "And if he did do it, rest assured that he'll receive an ass whooping of a lifetime."

"Thank you, Connie." flashing him an grateful smile, resting a hand on his shoulder.  

As much as you wanted to enjoy this moment, a taunting reminder in the back of your head emerged front and center, sucking in a sharp breath.

You had a scheduled cleaning in Corporal's office.

"Damn..., Levi's gonna kill me." you swallow thickly, raising the brow of Connie's, expectant on how so. "I got in trouble again, so as punishment, I have to clean his office."

Normally doing completing your duty, if not correctly done initially and resulting it redoing in redoing it, you'd remain silent then leave after paying your respects. And as far as you could tell, his eye was keen for detail, whether it be dirt or not. Hoping by grace of God that he couldn't tell, that just this once he'd expect you to come and go like any other time.

Connie could only offer empathy, witnessing anxiety surfacing onto your features, obvious concern of him discovering your unexplained weight gain. He gave a reassuring squeeze on your shoulder, scared of this situation as well.

"Good luck."

~*~

A trembling fist rapped against the wooden door, leading to a possible fate of your days in the Survey Corps coming to an end.
"State your name and business."

Each step upon arriving here was most dreaded. Not even that compared to his brusquely flat tone chilling every fiber of your being to the bone. Abandoning those cleaning supplies and fleeing for the outside crossed your mind a numerous amount of times, but decided against it because it would do you no better justice if you were to run away from him, and probably might worsen said punishment.

" Cadet (l-l-l/n), reporting for cleaning d-duty, sir."

After a few seconds of unresponsiveness, you cued yourself and pushed through, spotting Levi at his desk, in a diligent effort of filling out a neatly stacked pile of paper work. He placed the completed form in a stack which obtain the most amount of paperwork, nearly a quarter done of ending his workday. His steely eyes shifted to regard your form without a spoken word, fixing them back on his original task.

It took you nearly all your might to still your quaking body, inquiring would ensue about your abnormal behavior if he took note of it. He gave a typical curt order which you patiently awaited for to get started, but he hadn’t given you the word as of yet. Becoming apprehensive of his delayed response, in attempt of calming down you reason that maybe he needed to speak with you first, then go back to his work, letting you do what you came here for. Since waiting for said command, he acted he had been sole human person in this room, seemingly forgetting your standing presence in front of his door. Five intense minutes went by agonizingly slow, perhaps sleepless nights took it's toll on his attention span.  

You parted your lips to say something only to retain them back together again, his voice interrupting your train of thought and your chance to speak.

"What the hell's been up with you lately, Cadet?" his unnerving voice cooperating swearing didn't suppress any of rapidly building trepidation flashing over you.  

"Si-sir?" you reply, a sudden flaming initiating under your eyelids. Luckily your voice hadn’t cracked--that would've been the start of trouble.
He sunk his quill in the inky black puddle of its bottle, flickering his stormy orbs up to you at an alarming speed, making the flow of warm blood run cold in your veins.

"Cadets are comrades in battle. I don't care if you particularly love the person or you simply hate their fucking guts. I expect you both to be respective towards each other. There will be none of this petty bullshit I see you guys doing throughout the day. Grow the fuck up, goddammit. Because at the end of the day, if you shitheads are bickering back and forth, your dumbasses will be so distracted from an incoming titan and you know what happens? You're two more idiotic cadets I have to file in for getting killed. No more of it, am I understood?"

Every word he uttered had a plethora of contempt and disdain, making your stomach sink and churn was like a punch to the stomach. It was, however, undeniable above all. Actions as such could cost you both your lives if it persisted while on the expedition.
 
Shakily saluting in respect and in a way of an apology, if he could read it from your head sunken in shame.

"Ye-yes, I understand sir." you did your best in mustering up an composed voice, yet somehow it came off as feeble, on the brink of a nervous collapse.  

Your ears heeded the soft scraping of a chair gritting the floor as it was being drawn back. Heavy footsteps thumping and proceeding your way accelerated the beat of your crackling heartbeat, breaking out in an insufferable sweat. Once the noise fell silent, you peeked up at his current whereabouts, witnessing his hands reaching out for your face. Assuming he would slap or squish your cheeks, something, you squeezed your eyes shut so hard that droplets came out of them.  

At contact your skin nearly crawled, feeling the pads of Levi's fingers fit against your cheeks, using his thumbs to smear away those tears scared shitless underneath your eyes. Peeping open one eye after another, inspecting before your sight an firm facial stature belonging to Levi himself, resplendent silvers boring your countenance, more or less fixed on his active fingers rimming the sheen of liquid into your visible darkened bags.

"You look like who did it and why, Cadet (l/n)." Levi stated, dropping his hands down to align with his waist. "Rough nights or some shit?"
Fighting back a blush threatening to expose you of what his neutral touch did to you, you obscured your full visage allowing him to only view it at an angle, letting out a discreet clearing of the throat before you spoke again.

"N-no, sir. Probably from getting sick earlier," you explained, without fully grasping it. "due to my morning sickness--"

Oh, shit.

Had you really blurted that out of all things? Out of anything you could've blurted? If you could turn back time and surrender confessing your hidden feelings for the man, you'd gladly oblige with an aftermath of being ridiculed or disparaged. At least rejection you could sulk it off for a good, I don’t know, couple of weeks. Or months. Or decades, until you're old and wrinkly. No pressure or anything.

Except time didn't run on a particular person's accord, so it sure as hell wasn't going to give you any sympathy.

The corporal blinked at this, quirking an eyebrow, though his ridded emotion frozen on his face.

"Is that what the nurse told you from the infirmary?"  

"Yeah," you gulped, evading the truth. "I don't think she knows what's she's talking about, though. I ate some today, but it left a weird taste in my mouth and then I started feeling queasy."

Levi huffed indifferently. "Whatever, I guess."

The both of you stood there, his eyes unwavering on your averting gaze, knuckles turning white from tightly gripping the bucket handle, little currents rippled from your body vibrations and after deciding no one was going to say anything, you start to back out of the proximity, heading over to the window further away from corporal's desk, him not saying a word of protest. But even still the hairs stood up from your back, having a strange feeling his eyes still hadn't left your form.

Carefully setting down the bucket, you rounded up your back, sudden twinge of pain made your sides coil, hissing all the while.
"Now, what's your problem?"

Anew spikes pricked majority of your back, shivering at how his voice didn't reverberate from his standing spot near the door. Pivoting on your right heel, you revealed the corporal standing idle a few feet away. Gulping, this had been absolutely harrowing, considering you hadn’t picked up his incoming footsteps whatsoever. It's as if he stood at the spot you left him, except he had not been so close.

You fumble for a reasonable excuse. "J-just sore, sir."

"Tch." he folded his hands across his chest, snatching away the cloth you soon would've been using for the window, sauntering over there and busying himself, blotting the glass until he could see himself in its reflection. He froze his circular motions and shot flickered his notorious nerve-wracking glare in your direction.

"Go and make me some tea." he made it seem like you were just standing there, demanding this of you a good while ago. Due to his glint glossing his pupils in a most alarming way as he snapped his head towards you, within an instant reminded you of that similar one you witnessed during Eren's courting trial  and nothing ever persuaded you more at making a great getaway out of his office and down the hall, where the kitchen located.

With a purpose, you carefully set up the kettle, boiling it on the stove, and took out Levi's favored tea cup and saucer, setting down on the counter aligned next to the stove, impatiently bouncing on your toes and bearing your teeth down on a crescent arched fingernail.
You really had hoped that he hadn't sensed anything strange radiating off of you. Because of his straightforwardness and unabashed mindset, he wouldn't relent to bust you out on it. It's like he noticed things without really caring to and when he should it rubbed him the wrong way and there was no way he'd let it go so easily.

A few moments later, steaming huffs started shooting out the kettle's metallic snout and emitting a high pitched squeal. Making a grab for the handle, you began preparations on his tea. With this given distance you were able to grant yourself a bit of leadway for relaxing, knowing he would be in his office still effortlessly wiping the glass window and anticipating his cup of tea at his desk. Soon you'd be ensuing tension once you returned back inside, probably cleaning everything else in there besides said windows. Not that you were complaining or anything, lest he gave another task to prolong your stay in his presence.  

Straying away the thought for it was necessary, not wanting it to put a damper on this temperate atmosphere, momentarily being torn away from after completing the given request. Recalling countless times of making his tea, from how much water he wanted level to so that the flavor wasn't entirely diluted, to how many sugar cubes to dissolve it in. From every important step, was known well like the back of your hand, following through it every time demanded.

Nervous as hell to return back with your brute of a higher-up, you tried to rationalize that cooperation and preciseness would get you out of his hair and back in the safeness of your comrades arms, for they would do everything in their being in order to keep you out of trouble for as long as they can. Even if it was predictable you'd be exposed eventually, it secured a couple of cherishing months with them, facing a biding them a final farewell.

Your hands pressed into the counter, finally reaching your breaking point of concealing this dread inside of you. Nothing made sense to you anymore and you've had enough. Desperate for answers as to whoever did this to compromise your life, solely not even pinning the blame on Jean. If only you were more tolerating of him, then maybe this wouldn't drive him into committing such a lewd act, discontinuing the days in the Recon Corps. At this point, you didn’t care if the salty deluge from your eyes mingled in with the Corporal's tea, it didn't matter if he yelled for taking too long and to be quite honest, you didn't want to redo it. You would just give it to him and hope that his taste buds couldn't detect a dissimilar flavor he wasn't accustomed to tasting or your ass is grass.

Just when you pivoted on your heel with his tea in hand, you reached an arm to brush away those newly made tears off your flustered face, a sudden blow of shock made the grip upon the tea saucer release, now falling and shattering against the hard surfaced floor, reduced to shards ridges needing to be fixed together like a puzzle.

Sitting before the counter was none other than the Corporal himself. His arms were crossed, piercing his silvery orbs through you as if he just sat there and was observing you silently with going unnoticed. For how long his presence was there you were hardly sure of. But down deep inside the pit of your core told you he had been here the whole time and quite possibly followed shortly after your sprint out of his office. You just hoped that what you felt wasn't as accurate as you thought.

Now coming to think of it, wasn't the tea set his favorite one to use shattered on the ground?

"Cadet (l/n), I know that wasn't the cup and saucer I frequently drink tea out of each evening."  Through watching you back away had been just about enough confirmation as one of a silent response. Jeering, he slid back the counter chair and approached at an alarming rate in front of you, gripping the collar of your uniform right before giving you the chance to process what was occurring just now. He levelled your face to his, extremely missing some desired distance from in between your faces as you could feel his breath ghosting all about your countenance, fighting off the uprising heat to your cheeks. "I gave you one job and you still fuck up. Your performance as a soldier has been shitty lately. What the hell's wrong with you?"

Breaking contact and flickering your eyes down at the ground with your voice wavering, a lump in your throat prevented you from sounding anything but sure of yourself.

"I...I just don't feel well. I--"

He begin pushing you back and you were terrified of what he was going to do to you at this point. Just when your back slammed against the wall's surface behind the both of you, he slammed his hands into it, caging your face in between his arms. His stormy orbs pinned your being into place while you tried your hardest in meeting his deadly stare. He discovered that you were trembling, this you were almost positive of. From times before of getting in trouble with Jean where he stood just out of arms reach, this closeness you had with him now was absolutely terrifying to experience, wishing for a miracle that could somehow get you out of this situation, standing in fear as his gaze relentlessly boring into your head.




"...you've gained weight."  

At this blunt stated observation, even you had to process it in your head, once it finally clicked your mouth flew open in disbelief. Of course, it was Levi. It simply wouldn't be him if it wasn't. But had he really been brutally honest in pointing out a female's weight without even taking into consideration that she would most definitely take offense to it? It looked that way.

Despite how you felt about it, you hadn’t the courage to stand up to him to express your deep indignation forced down your throat. For your sake, it was best just to suck it up and humor him.

"Ye-yeah, I guess I have been overeating lately and it took it's toll." you sighed in defeat, unbelieving this whole situation.  

"Hn...all that starch from the bread and potatoes did you no justice either." he pointed out bleakly, placing his gloved hand over your stomach, making you involuntarily tense up. "Try to have a better balanced diet. Solely eating bread causes you to bloat and it makes it look like you're eating for two people instead of one."

You stupid--! Fucking--!!

Never had it been your intention to meet eye contact at him because all it ever did was make his attentiveness perk up at your reaction of his said statement. Something told you to avert your gaze away from him, but only doing that could send red flags up, giving away your position. So you decided against it, weakly challenging his gaze as you stared for what seemed like an eternity of still silence. If those flags hadn’t raised up from before, then they certainly did right at this moment. He searched into your eyes, then his very own widened, stepping back to take in your features. It was then, that you realized your silence had been a confirmation for him.

Seconds later his hand found its way back on your belly, ghosting his slender fingers around it and finding a fixed solidness in all around in circumference. His eyes flitted back up to your horror stricken face.

"So, I was right."

Oh god no. Please, this can't be happening!

For someone who's a higher up discovering that a cadet had broken a rule as grave as this, his reaction was calmer and more collected than what you originally expected. About to fix your mouth and fill it denial, Levi's eyes narrowing had just been enough to snap it closed.
"I'm not fucking stupid, cadet." he stated, letting his hand fall by his side. "I had my suspicions anyways with your erratic behavior."
Had you blown your cover already, now facing your destined fate? And to think you tried your very best to obscure it, people were fooled a couple of months, but as it came to the Lance Corporal, he observed every minor detail in everything and hardly let anything slip past his perceptive mindset.

You could've sworn just now as you were shakily watching him, within a flash, his rounded out pupils stretched and formed a sharp diamond, and pink colored his irises. Feeling paranoid, you blink and found yourself staring into his  silver eyes yet again.  

"Hey, Shortie!"

A new voice shattered the heavy stillness shared between you both, contrasting to the situation filled with bubbliness, dawning on it to lighten the given atmosphere. Snapping your head towards the sound source, never had you been so grateful to watch Hanji walking in your direction. You hear footsteps receding away and once you turned to see who was walking away, Levi was already halfway towards reaching his office. Finding it bizarre how in a split second he was dominating you with his slightly taller height and daunting observation and next he's so far away that it actually made you consider if any of this had been a mere hallucination and that the Levi you were just cornered by was a figure of your imagination. Whatever the case may be, it never stopped to scare you shitless out of your mind.  

Breaking out into a frantic run, Hanji's call for attention fell on deaf ears , darting past her in desperate need to recollect and gather your thoughts once you left out of the vicinity. Thankfully, Sasha would be there to help calm your nerves after what just happened. You needed reassurance that everything would be okay after you finally unveiled who your assaulter was and lay your nervous racking brain to rest.

The time has come...to show what who I really am.